Tag: life

  • Living with FND and ACOS: Reflecting on My Health Challenges

    Living with FND and ACOS: Reflecting on My Health Challenges

    Hi everyone,

    I find myself writing this because I am having to take some personal time. Recently, my health has declined. I’ve developed a heart rate of 114 beats per minute at rest. So I’m now undergoing various medical check ups, because I live with several chronic health conditions.

    One of which is ACOS. Asthma COPD overlap syndrome the COPD is chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Which can lead to heart problems and sleep apnea as complications of the condition. As well as this I’m short sighted. I had a fall due to FND. My glasses got broken, so it’s hard to do anything.

    If you don’t know FND stands for Functional Neurological Disorder it’s basically from what I understand of it. When messages don’t get to the right place. Functional neurological disorder occurs when the brain has trouble receiving information. It struggles to send information to the rest of the body.

    So while I suffer with respiratory illnesses I also suffer three simultaneous conditions of neurological and mental health. But that won’t stop me writing or improving things for myself and family.

    When the covid immunisation was rolled out I decided to ignore my conspiracy theories side and have it. Advised by the medical professionals. Trust me, when it struck, I found a course by professionals in the field. I learned what I can about it. I turned off the scaremongering press and focused on facts as much as I can.

    But after the covid immunisation I became ill. The paramedics suspected stroke so I went into hospital. A week later discharged with a slip of paper which had a website on.

    The stroke doctor I saw said fnd and this is his words. “it’s often helpful to think of your brain as a computer. There’s no damage to the hardware, or structure, of the brain. It’s the software, or program running on the computer, that isn’t working properly.”

    A neurologist provided a diagnosis. My brain was 7-14 inches out of my skull at that time. A condition known as Cerebellar Tonsilar Ectopea (chiari malformation I understand is another name for it). On top of that Diabetic to say I was in shock over the first diagnosis would be an understatement. But the second one of FND truly scrambled my brain. Then diabetes on top.

    I had never heard of two conditions namely fnd or Cerebellar tonsillar Ectopea. In fact, I would never have dreamed that someone’s brain is out of the skull. But there i was with the diagnosis. I’ve always suffered the worst headaches imaginable ones that lay me flat for days. My hands and legs were weak. My eyes stayed closed when I was awake. I had speech problems, but I just got on with life. As I do now there’s nothing that can be done as the medical professionals don’t really understand either condition.

    Simply the funding is not there, and neither is the awareness.

    infact when I came out of hospital I received a covid test and letter. We have just received notification that you have a certain condition. If you develop covid, you can get an experimental IV infusion. My answer to that was a swift no.

    in fact when I asked the stroke doctor “alright so we know what it is what do we do!”

    “avoid stress” was his reply

    Ok I’ll leave this here I want to apologise for the rant. But if you made it this far thank you very much for reading. Infact if you have read my other posts Thank you and thank you for the likes and follows.

    further reading

    Understanding Cerebellar Tonsillar Ectopia Symptoms

  • The Broken Circle: Rayne’s Fight for Survival

    The Broken Circle: Rayne’s Fight for Survival

    The Shattered Path

    The roads ahead were quiet, the wind carrying the scent of burnt heather and distant sea. Each hoofbeat of my mount reminded me that the choice I had made was mine alone, and yet its echo stretched far beyond my chest.

    Whispers followed me like shadows. Some were real the wary eyes of villagers, the wary glances of traveling merchants. Others were imagined, the scornful voices of my brothers, of Taranis, of the Ring itself. I did not flinch. Survival was colder than fear, sharper than guilt.

    The circle was gone, fractured beneath my hand, yet its memory clung to the land. I felt it in every hollow, every mound, every stone left untouched, as if the earth itself remembered the covenant we had sworn. I had broken it not for power, not for spite, but for a chance to bend fate toward life.

    Rome was patient. I knew that. And I knew too that the storm I had once sought to command in Taranis’s fury could now rise in me, subtle, quiet, lethal if misjudged. The choice of the traitor is never simple. It is measured in survival, in timing, in knowing the cost before the world dares to demand it.

    Ahead, a ridge cut the horizon, the pale sun glinting over the salt flats. I pulled my cloak tighter, letting the chill remind me that I was still breathing, still moving, still in control of this shattered path.

    The Ring was broken. But perhaps, in that fracture, a new pattern could emerge. One I alone might trace.

    I rode past the remnants of burned villages and overturned carts, careful to keep to the high ground. From this distance, nothing looked alive; yet every shadow could be a scout, every rustle a whisper of accusation. I had betrayed the circle, but I had not betrayed survival. That distinction, razor-thin, I carried like a blade at my side.

    Even so, the memory of Taranis lingered. I imagined him, bound in chains, his eyes storm-grey beneath a sky that mirrored his wrath. Some part of me hoped he hated me. Another part the part I refused to acknowledge wished he would understand.

    I reached the edge of a woodland and dismounted. The quiet crackle of dead leaves underfoot reminded me of my childhood in Compton, of paths once walked under open skies, where choice had been play, not consequence. Here, choice was survival. Choice was betrayal.

    A messenger approached, a thin man with a letter sealed in the eagle of Rome. I took it with careful fingers, breaking the seal only when I was certain no eyes watched. The words were simple, direct, and chilling:

    “Keep the Ring moving. Keep the pieces apart. Rome watches, and the storm will be rewarded or crushed at our discretion.”

    I folded the letter slowly, feeling its weight far heavier than the paper it was written on. Rome had not forgotten, and neither had the Circle though I was its only witness now.

    I paused at a stream, letting my mount drink, listening to the water whisper over stones. I thought of my brothers, of Drax, of Lore, of Draven. Each had reacted differently to Taranis’s capture, to my choice. Some with anger, some with fear, some with silent, unspoken questions. And some… had already begun to take paths I could not predict.

    Even here, on the open road, I felt the pull of power, subtle and insidious. The Ring had been broken, yes, but its legacy endured. That legacy could guide me—or consume me.

    As night fell, I made camp beneath a lone oak, its twisted branches scratching the dark sky like fingers of fate. I allowed myself a single, quiet thought before sleep claimed me:

    The storm does not always strike. Sometimes it waits, gathers, watches… and then it returns, quiet, inevitable, unstoppable.

    The following morning, I rode again, the mist curling around the trees like living breath. Villagers had begun to recognize me, whispers trailing my passage. Traitor. Survivor. Coward. Protector. All names carried weight, none carried comfort. I ignored them. Survival required more than comfort; it required cold calculation.

    By mid-morning, I encountered a small party of mercenaries scouts from a northern lord, curious about the broken Circle. They eyed me cautiously, their hands brushing the hilts of swords. I allowed a faint smile, enough to disarm suspicion. Words were sharper than steel when wielded carefully.

    “I go where the path leads,” I said, voice steady. “I am alone. None should follow.”

    They studied me, hesitated, then nodded, scattering into the woods. Even in my isolation, the choices of others shifted around me. Allies, enemies sometimes the line blurred, sometimes it vanished entirely.

    Hours later, I made camp near a ruined chapel, overgrown with ivy and stones worn smooth by centuries. Flames licked at damp wood as I pondered the Circle, Taranis, and the pieces of the Ring now scattered across Britain. I could feel their influence, subtle, almost like a heartbeat beneath the earth. The storm of Emberhelm was not gone. It only waited.

    A shadow moved near the edge of the firelight. I tensed, hand brushing the hilt of my dagger. The figure emerged: an old acquaintance, one of the scouts I had trained alongside in youth. His face betrayed both awe and fear.

    “You broke the Circle,” he whispered, voice shaking. “And yet… you ride on.”

    “I did what was necessary,” I said simply. “The Circle survives only in memory if we all fall. I intend to endure.”

    He nodded, unease clinging to his gaze. “And Taranis?”

    The name struck like a lance, but my expression remained calm. “He lives. That is enough for now. The storm is his. And perhaps it will return to me when I need it most.”

    Night deepened. I lay beneath the ivy-draped stones, listening to the forest breathe. Each rustle, each call of distant creatures reminded me that life persisted, even when the world was fractured.

    Survival, I reminded myself again, was not glory. It was endurance, patience, and the quiet shaping of what must come next.

    And somewhere, far beyond the reach of my sight, the echoes of Emberhelm stirred, waiting for the right moment to rise again.

  • Facing Fear: How I Conquered My Phobias One Step at a Time

    Facing Fear: How I Conquered My Phobias One Step at a Time

    A person walking on a rickety bridge over a mountainous landscape with the title 'Facing Fear' and subtitle about conquering phobias.
    An illustration depicting the journey of conquering fear, showcasing a figure walking on a precarious bridge against a backdrop of mountains.

    What Is Fear?
    Fear is our most ancient survival tool a natural response to danger, real or imagined. But sometimes, fear outstays its welcome. It whispers that we can’t… until we believe it.

    For some, fear is an occasional visitor. For others, it’s a daily shadow phobias, anxiety, panic attacks. I’ve lived with those shadows.

    But I’ve also walked through them.

    My Fears And How I Faced Them
    I’ve been fortunate. Not because I had no fear but because life gave me the opportunity to learn how to manage it.

    A climber ascending a rocky cliff in Staffordshire, wearing protective gear and focused on the climb.
    A climber scaling a rock face, representing the journey of overcoming the fear of heights.

    🌉 Fear of Heights
    I learned to rock climb in Staffordshire and Wales.

    I faced my limits on a rickety old bridge in Bavaria, and still crossed it.

    I even abseiled down rockfaces and braved a Tyrolean traverse in Pembrokeshire the kind that would once leave me frozen.

    A woman sitting on a plane, looking pensive and anxious while gazing out the window, with text overlay about fear of travel and claustrophobia.
    A woman on a plane grappling with her fear of travel and claustrophobia, reflecting on her journey.

    ✈️ Fear of Travel & Claustrophobia
    I boarded a plane to Gran Canaria despite the panic bubbling beneath the surface.

    Tight, enclosed spaces were once unbearable. But with support, I found my breath and moved through them.

    🏞️ Agoraphobia
    Being outdoors, especially alone or in open spaces, used to trigger spirals of panic.

    Over time and with exposure, grounding techniques, and support I reclaimed those spaces.

    🧠 How?
    Anxiety groups helped me understand my fear, not just fight it.

    Tactics like grounding, breathwork, visualization, and controlled exposure allowed me to manage reactions and regain control.

    Support networks reminded me I wasn’t alone.

    Fear Doesn’t Vanish But You Can Walk With It
    I haven’t eliminated fear. But I’ve redefined my relationship with it.

    Fear still shows up sometimes before a challenge, a new trip, or a difficult day.

    But now, I meet it with tools, not terror.

    I share this not because I’ve ‘won’, but because you can too. Fear doesn’t make you weak. Facing it makes you brave.

    Final Words
    Whether your fear is public speaking, flying, crowded places, or the dark know this:

    You are not broken.
    You are not alone.
    You are not weak.

    You are learning.
    And healing.
    And growing.

    Every time you show up despite fear, you win something back.

    If you’re struggling, reach out. Speak to someone. Join a support group. Try one small thing.

    You’ve already survived everything life has thrown at you. That’s proof of your strength.

    An illustration featuring a vibrant red dragon and a muscular black wolf wearing a golden shoulder strap, with both characters positioned against a colorful background. Text in the image expresses gratitude for reading and encourages liking and following the creator 'StormborneLore.'
    A powerful illustration featuring a fierce red dragon and a majestic black wolf figure, symbolizing strength and resilience.